09 December 2015

The Blackout Moment

Assalamualaikum wbt. 

Yeah. It is 23:33, and it was dark. Blackout.  I think my world is really black. Sesuai dengan emosi saya sekarang. There is so many thought in my mind right now. And I just can not find out the solution. 

The sky is so beautiful. The stars blinking, charmingly. I can see the shooting stars. Perfect. Can I make a wish? I wish to be happy. I want my family and friends to be happy. Nothing more or less.

Sitting near the window. Listening to music. It is so beautiful night. The silent of midnight. The sound of kereta yang lalu lalang di jalan raya. It make me think about my life now.

I admit it, I was going to far with my limit. I do what I want. It feels like a good girl gone bad. I hope someone slap me on the face. I think, it was too much! But I can not handle myself. Oooohh tidak! She is lost inside.

Why do I be like this? Why? I know myself. But why I become like this. Doing the thing i supposed to hate. Can i turn back time? Macam mana mahu betulkan semua kebodohan ney??

Help me please. . . .

The stupid girl,

Yean.


Publish!

08 December 2015

Another sad story.

Assalamualaikum.


It is been a while. I held onto my thoughts about you like this. Thinking about your voice. I feel more sad today.

I had a drink. I did it again all of sudden, wanting to see you. I hate seeing myself miserable. Until tomorrow, I am doing nothing. 

I thought we were going in the same direction. I thought we were dreaming of the same future. I guess that it was not.

I thought we were inthe same time. I thought we were in the same room. I guess that was not it.

Familiarness is sometimes troublesomes. I am afraid to forget it. Are you okay with it?

Do you not have any regrets about your decision? Are confident about your decision? I do not know anymore. 

Do you not miss my voice? Are there not times that you want to see me? It is only me, who is like that?

I am living, burried under your traces. It is me, who living burried under your traces. What am I supposed to do? 


Lonely girl,

Yean 💋



Publish!!



20 November 2015

My Life.

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Well now, saya berada di kota "Syurga Makanan" seperti yang di katakan oleh orang ramai. Ya. Tawau. I have been here for about 3 weeks already. Hmm maka di sini la permulaan dunia kehidupan saya as an Assisstant Medical Officer yang selama ini saya pun tidak tahu kewujudannya.

Well, to be honest. I never imagine a life like this and i do not even know is this what i want in my life. I even did not know what i want. Just follow the flow is what i have been done since my childhood. Mungkin itu juga moto hidup saya.

Kehidupan yang samar-samar. Itu yang saya nampak untuk masa depan saya. I think, i just work for money. Money for my daily life, my family and for travel the world. Bahagia? Is that i am happy for what i am doing right now? I do not know the answer either. Is that bad?

Well i like my job. Helping people. But i do not know why i am feeling empty inside. Go to work. Back from work. Sleep. Awake. And go to work again. Hmmmm. No fun at all. I just feel like a robot doing her own things.

What should i do? I hope this shall pass too. 


The lonely girl,



Yean.


Publish!

08 September 2015

Deep!



Berapa ramai dari kita yang pernah putus cinta? Aku percaya, dalam 100 orang, 99 darinya pernah putus cinta. Kan? Mengaku jelah cepat. Masa korang bercinta, pernah tak korang kata pada diri sendiri begini;

"Dia cintaku yang terakhir. Aku akan cintakan dia sampai bila bila, biarpun aku dan dia tidak ditakdirkan bersama."

Cehwah! Bajet cinta suci jelah kan? Sudah ditakdirkan kau bukanlah pemilik tulang rusuk kirinya sepertimana yang tertulis di dalam rencana dan kalam masa depan yang engkau angankan selama ini. Kau frust. Kau merana. Kau pergi membawa hati yang luka lalu kau berjanji pada diri bahawa kau akan pelihara cinta dan kasih sayang engkau hanya untuk dia. Kau mahu tutup pintu hati engkau. Sungguh sungguh kau mahu kunci pintu hati engkau biar tidak dapat dimasuki sesiapa pun.

Kau rasa, kau bahagia kalau kau buat begitu? Cuba lihat pulak hidup lelaki yang buat hati kau sengsara, apa kisahnya? Hidupnya baik baik saja. Dilingkungi teman teman keliling sedang kau meroyan sorang. Makan entah ke mana, kerjaya juga kau abai begitu sahaja. Hidup kau sudah tidak serupa hidup. Kau penjarakan hati dan jiwa kau demi lelaki yang tak mampu beri kau bahagia walau untuk secebis pun. Eh!

Seandainya ada antara korang yang sebegini rapuh, tolonglah bangkit kembali dan jadi kuat demi untuk kebahagiaan kau sendiri. Bahagia itu kita yang corakkan. Bebaskan diri dari belenggu cinta yang sia sia. Tuhan tidak akan pernah berkata Tidak kepada setiap permintaan kita. Semua akan diperkenankanNya. Cuma lambat atau cepat sahaja yang membezakannya.

Aku mengaku, dulu aku pernah serapuh itu tapi come on lah kan! Sebenarnya pada permulaan fasa kecewa sahaja kita jadi manusia yang serapuh rapuh manusia. Tapi, seiring dengan masa yang berlari, kau akan pulih. Kau akan jadi manusia yang lebih kuat. Dengan syarat, kau jangan jadi manusia bodoh. Kau mesti bina kekuatan untuk bergerak ke hadapan. Kau mesti kena ada usaha untuk melupakan. Jangan terus membelenggu diri engkau dengan cinta yang bajet bajet suci, setia membuta tuli. Cuba kau amat amati semula, apa berbaloi meletakkan setia kepada orang yang tidak cintakan kita?

Tahu tidak apa penawar yang paling baik punyaa? Penawar yang paling unggul itu adalah doa. Kau akan kecapi manisnya nanti selepas pahit. Akan tibanya bahagia selepas air mata. Pada suatu waktu yang benar benar tepat, di suatu tempat yang benar benar indah, tuhan akan hadirkan seseorang untuk melengkapi hidup kau, mampu membuatkan kau bahagia dan merasa terwujudkan. Prof pernah cakap:

"Cintailah dia yang lebih menyintai kau, yang lebih dalam cintanya berbanding cinta kau terhadap dirinya. Setelah itu nanti kau akan merasa lebih bahagia." 

Aku akui kata kata beliau. Benar belaka.
Jangan layankan sangat merana dan lara hati itu lama lama. Bila hadir saja insan yang mampu membahagiakan kau, hargai lah dia, bersyukur dengan segala kurniaanNya. Jangan teringatkan sangat akan cerita semalam yang telah jadi sejarah, jangan pula terlalu obses menilik masa hadapan yang kita sendiri tidak pasti akan terang kelamnya, malah berbahagialah dengan hari ini yang telah tuhan kurniakan untuk kita.



Live your own life, be happy!


-yean-



Publish!!

02 September 2015

Random thought.

Assalamualaikum wbt.


Its been a while.

Ya. I know. Its unfair to write something unhappy here. But this is the only place yang boleh saya luahkan. Since only one or two person yang tahu kewujudan belog ini and I am very sure that they did not up-to-date or tak pernah jenguk pun belog ney.

Well, tinggal 2 bulan lagi habis PPW and I will move to Hospital Tawau and of course I feel sad coz betapa susahnya mahu adapt dengan staff di Hospital Likas ini. Then mahu pindah sudah tempat baru. Jauh dari hometown lagi. Sedangkan di KK seja pun malas maw balik Ranau, apalagi kalau suda di Tawau makin la saya malas.

Malam ini, no today I feel so emotional than before. I do not even know why. Overthink maybe. Fikir benda yang sepatutnya tak perlu pun. And now so into Avril Lavigne's song Nobody's Home. That song explain my condition right now.

"She is lost inside"

Apa yang hilang? Maybe iman dalam hati. Ya Allah. Nauzubillahminzallik. 

Here I meet someone special for me. We share many similarities. Our past almost the same. And she was the first person yang nampak saya nanggis. Ya. Sebelum ini I never cry in front of my friends. Even my bestie. But with her, i just can not handle it. Sebab kami kongsi kisah hidup yang sama. It feels like i meet my other half. I just want her to be happy, be strong and keep the promise we made after I leave. I feel sad to leave her alone here. I just hope our friendship will last forever even we were apart after this.

Mira, sorry. I have to go.


Enough, it hurts.



-yean-


Publish!!

31 July 2015

Single Life

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Being single is actually great. I know you get lonely sometimes and jealous of couples, but it can be better than a relationship, trust me. 

The single life is the great life. No worries. Just happiness and freedom. You can do whatever you want to do. No one is stopping you from doing what you want to do. No one is stopping your from pursuing your dreams. You can go where you want and do what you want. How great is that? You don’t have to worry about anyone but yourself. You do everything for yourself. And your happiness is yours and only yours and doesn’t rely on anyone else. 

As much as girls love makeup, it is a bit annoying to look good every single day, isn’t it? When you have no one to impress, you don’t have to spend so much time looking good for anyone, but yourself. And I’m sure you don’t need makeup to make yourself happy. It’s so stressful to wing your eyeliner and put eyelashes on and conceal your dark spots. 

Well, when you’re single, you don’t really have to worry about that! Ditch the skirt. Ditch the dress. Ditch the heels. We all know that looking nice comes with a few downsides, such as pain and annoyance. I hate having to pull my skirt down. Or wear heels because those may be super cute, but they’re also super uncomfortable. 

When single, you don’t have to dress like a model. You can wear sweatpants and boots or sneakers. You can be super comfortable. You don’t have to endure the pain and stress of looking good. 
Personally, I think that sweatpants are cute too. 

Let’s be honest: relationships are expensive. Not only are you paying for yourself, but you are also paying for another person. When you’re single, you save so much money because you are only spending for yourself. Go treat yourself for a nice meal. Go buy those shoes you’ve been eyeing. You have more money now! And it’s all earned by you, for you. 

And of course, the best part about being single is being able to go out with your girls. Go out and shop. Go out and eat. Go out to the club and party. Go have fun! You don’t have to worry about not being home on time. You don’t have to worry about seeing a cute guy and forcing yourself to not talk to him. You can do whatever you want. A girls’ night is always super fun. Plus, when you’re with your girls, you guys can talk about anything. Anything at all. Because they will understand where you’re coming from. No one knows you better than your girl friends. Like Cindy Lauper said, “Girls just want to have fun!” so go out and have fun!



Have fun single ladies,

Yean.




Publish!!!

06 July 2015

My Lonely Life.

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Midnight. Again. I am back to the "Sorrowful Yean". Pathetic. I thought I have change. Masih sama. Sama macam "Yean" time study di UiTM dulu.

Lebih suka sendiri. Always alone. Tidak suka join majlis keramaian, tidak suka bergaul, tidak suka bercakap, tidak suka keadaan yang melibatkan ramai orang, dalam kelas selalu duduk belakang and sendiri. But my Batch, even dorang tidak tahu cerita kenapa saya begitu, they never leave me alone. Bila saya sendiri, dorang mesti kasi teman duduk belakang. Dorang tidak kasih benar saya duduk sendiri. And I have learned, betapa sunyinya kalau sendiri. Rindu.

But now, I am back to that life again. Even start masa masuk KSKB. Bersyukur, masa tu di temukan dengan Gegurl, Soneea and Verra. If not memang lone ranger. Even terlampau banyak ups and down yang kami lalui at least kau ada kawan bercakap, kawan meluah perasaan, kawan ketawa.

Tapi bila masuk dunia pekerjaan ney betul- betul menduga jiwa dan raga saya. Pergi kerja, balik kerja, sendiri. Dalam bilik diam-diam macam orang gila. Kadang-kadang balik kerja mandi, makan, terus tido. Kadang-kadang makan pun tidak, terus tido. Sebab tidak tahu maw buat apa. Handphone? Makin lama makin bosan sama Facebook. Insta pun jarang update. Wassap pun balas if itu mama or family or Bestfriend or hal kerja.  Wechat? Jangan cakap laaa. Nasib ada Twitter. Boleh jua merepek. Hari rehat hanya dihabiskan dengan tido, sama macam hari ney. Lihatlah betapa sunyi dan bosannya kehidupan saya.

Selesai suda merepek hari ney. Semoga saya kuat menempuhi hidup yang sunyi. Lonely. Alone. Whatever.



That lonely girl,

-yean-

Publish!

04 July 2015

This too shall pass.





Breathe.


You are going to be okay. Breathe and remember that you have been in this place before. You have been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you have survived.

Breathe and know that you can survive this too. These feelings can not break you. They are painful and debilitating but you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass. Maybe not immediately but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do you will look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience.

I know it feels unbearable right now but keep breathing, again and again. This will pass.

I know it will pass.



This girl,


-yean-



Publish!!!

One Sided Love.





It seems that you already have someone that you could call as your own now.

I know I am but just an ordinary girl and I know I am but just a page into your life while I have written you a whole book of countless odes and sonnets. You are the center of my literary atmosphere and my world seems to revolve around you.

You are the constant tingling of my toes, the butterflies in my tummy and the frequent yearning that I've always longed for. I wish  you knew. I wish I was not late to tell you this. I wish I could change your mind but I guess you are happy now and I can not undone the things that are already fixed. 

I hope she watches your favorite movies, sing to you your favorite songs and adores your poetries more than herself. I hope she always reminds you of the thing you tend to forget or wish you safety whenever you drive. I hope she listens to your stories about your day and work. I hope she writes verses about your eyes, your voice, your laughter like I always do. I hope she'd tell you she loves you as many times that I should have told you I do.

I hope you happy with her, B,C.



This pity girl,



-yean-



Publish!

04 April 2015

Segmen: Saya Sayang Blog Saya


Tengah boring-boring jenguk belog, terserempak pulak dengan segmen ney.
Korang yang sayangkan belog korang tue jangan tak join. 
Do follow and support Ayu Insyirah's segmen.
Nak join juga?? Sila klik saja banner di atas.
Saya sudah :)


Done,


Yean


Publish!!!

31 March 2015

The Confession




It just, I am not that strong girl anymore.

The ignorance make me feel like, "Oh I see, there is no one for me anymore. No one will be able to love me anymore". I think the feeling of rejection is better than the feeling of ignorance without answer. It just feels like a silly thought that make me feel this way. I do not think that I will be able to handle this. 

Saya tidak tahu dari mana datangnya keberanian untuk confess dengan kau. Saya sendiri hairan. Mungkin sebab tercabar oleh kata-kata kawan yang cakap, "Bah, tunggulah dya kena ambik orang baru mahu telan air liur", " Jangan ego, please make a move. Kalau tidak sekarang bila lagi?" and so on.

But akhirnya, masih disini menanti. Bezanya dya tahu perasaan saya and saya malu dengan dya. Oh God, kenapa la saya confess?


Full of Regret,


- yean -


Publish!!

30 March 2015

Road To Recovery From A Heartbreak




When we find a person we love and they love us in return, it is a magical swirl of feelings that we are blessed to experience but often when love ends the magical swirl of feelings turn into a massive tornado of emotions that is on a path of destruction through our soul.

The road to recovery from a heartbreak is a much traveled road but that does not mean its not filled with obstacles. My personal trail to recovery is a tricky one and the emotions I feel are more bipolar then Ranau weather. 

My thoughts while traveling this road was like :

"It is like the worst feeling in the world to love and hate someone all at the same time and it is hard to watch things change when all I want is for them to stay the same. It is funny but stupid how I want everything and nothing at the same time. It is crazy when I want to let go but I keep holding on and when I want to move on but I am stuck right here, where I started. When feelings come and go and I can not decide what I want, when I have so many things to say but I do not know where to start, when I want you in my life so bad but all I can do is push you far away. It is so hard to think back how things used to be and look at it now and realize that things are different and they may never be the same. I tell myself it is not worth it but if it really did not matter, I would not spend much time to think about it"

As I lay on the ground my thought wander to dangerous territories of my mind about you and me. Past memories go through my head like dust being spread, my heart begins to pound making me feel like I am going to explode.

Rain drops down my face filling oceans and lakes, my vision is foggy but only intensifying my picture of you. With nothing holding me back, I am cast into this nerve breaking emotion. Again and again. It is a never ending cycle that I can not seem to stop.

#cp


It is me,

-Y E A N-



Publish!!

14 March 2015

You Lost Her.




You threw her away.

You threw away the girl that would do anything and do anything and everything for you.
You threw away the girl that gave her all and trusted you with it.
You threw away the girl that put her whole self into being there for you.
You threw away the girl that shut every other person out in her life because she told herself she could not trust them.
You threw away the girl that sees the entire world in you.
You threw away the girl that went through hell just to be with you,
You threw away the girl that was willing to wait as long as it took until she could call you hers.
You threw away the girl that girl that still wanted you even when you treated her as if she was nothing.
You threw away the girl that spent months hoping you two could be together eventually.
You threw away the girl that stays up at night, wondering if you are okay.
You threw away the girl that continues to do so much for you even though she got nothing in return.
You threw away the girl that did not listen to the bad things that others said about you.
You threw away the girl that would do anything in the world for you.


You threw her away.



And guess what??


You LOST her.


#cp

The girl you have lost,


Yean.



Publish!!

09 March 2015

A Girl With Her Mess.

I want someone to accept me for who I am.

My flaws and all.

The way I woke up with groggy eyes, messy hair, or even drools stained on my pillows or face, my bare naked face.

I want someone who make me feel comfortable and enough so that I am not afraid to show my imperfections.

There are some days I just do not feel like getting out of the bed. There are some days I had terrible argument with my parents and siblings.

I have make mistakes. Please, do not judge. I am not perfect.

Whenever I feel down all I need is a little comfort. Please do not brush me off because I am sensitive.

If I had accidentally vent my anger on you, trust me my anger would not lasts that long. I'll definitely crawl up to you and apologized.

I am sensitive and soft. I have vulnerable side because I am just human with feeling.

#cp

A human with feeling,

Yean.

Publish!!!!

06 March 2015

Weirdo. Me.




I have to be the weirdest person. 

I want love so badly but I am afraid of falling in love again. I am a hopeless romantic with commitment issues. When I get hurt, I wish for the person that hurt me nothing but happiness because I would never wish the pain I feel on anyone.

When I finally get the person I want, I push them away with the fear of getting too attached. I smile all the time but I am never truly happy. I want to be alone at times but I hate the thought of being lonely.

I make up crazy scenarios in my head about when I will finally find my Prince Charming but my endings always end with me being broken. I want to change the way I see love and people. I want to be the little girl that would be appalled by even the thought of my lover ever saying they stopped loving me.

I want to be the girl I was before my heart was ripped out of chest and used as a carpet for people to stomp on. But it is so hard being optimistic when the people I thought would never hurt me, destroyed every thought I have ever had of true happiness.

#cp

The weirdo,


yean.


Publish!

22 February 2015

Accept the Reality.





Accept the fact that the relationship is over. Do not give yourself unrealistic fantasies that you might get back together one day. Respect the fact that the relationship had its time but has no ran out ways to work. This was a chapter in your life that has closed and you are now ready to grow and enter another chapter of your life. 

Learn from it. Everything is learning experiences, so use it as your advantage! Look over your relationship and list what went good about it and what went wrong. Use these notes as a tool to improve your relationship skills.

Never generalize. Going through a break up does cause you emotional withdrawal and pain, which may cause you to generalize everyone you meet or choose to date. Keep in mind that everyone is an individual with their own unique qualities and personalities and your encounters with them will not carry the same experiences as your ex-relationship.

Focus on you. Take some time to get to know yourself again before you get involved withe someone else. know what you really need and deserve and what you are ready to give another person. When you are sure about what you are willing to give and to receive, you will be able to find a partner who will suit you well.


#cp


Remember Me, 



- yean - 


Publish!!

16 February 2015

Unsaid Word.





Sometimes I just feel like I don't want to write anymore.

It is not because I lack of the motivation nor the inspiration, it is because of them.
The people I want to write about. the ones who make emotions flow from every pore of my being, who leave me to drown in all of the words that flood my mind. I could write epics about your smile or laugh but if I did, it would change everything.
Right now with all of my unsaid words, I am safe and protected but if I unleash the gates and everything comes spilling out, I would not be able to run or hide from the truth anymore.I finally see how deeply you affect every bit of my soul and then I would not be able to escape.
Every time I write, I will think of you but you see, as long as I do not write, I will be safe from madness and the pain that I had feel when you leave.
#imissyou #crush #M.A.R #cp


This shy girl,


- yean - 
Publish!!!

Time.



They say time flies and it goes by too slow. 
The time was not right and I do not really know. Time directs us all. Our action, our plans, our lives. Time is all around and a constant reminder of what is, what will be, and what used to be.
Time is painful, like some of the past. Time is unpredictable, like the future. Time is mystery, like right this moment. Make wise choices because time will steal your actions and you will never get a second chance.
Life, like time, it is also goes on. It is spent and also wasted. So precious, waste time wisely. Time tells you when it is good to love. When it is good to let go. When it is right to start over.
What if you did what you wanted to do and time were not even a factor of consequence?
Life as we know it would recreate into an even bigger abundance of mystery.
No order.
No time.
No chronology.
Just me and you.
If you ask me how does move on feels like, to me it is like believing the broken clock will move again.


#cp



The girl, who do not want to leave,

- yean - 
publish!!

06 February 2015

Crying to sleep.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t



People always say that "Crying yourself to sleep has got to be the worst thing ever".

That is an obvious statement but for me it is different thinking about crying yourself to sleep than when it actually happen to yourself.

Your breathing ends up almost impossible. The fear of waking anyone else in the house with loud sobs or gasping for air. You whole body tenses up.

You can trying cuddling up with your pillow, stuffed animal or anything, but what does that help with? You still trembling. If anything, it makes it worse.

You cry harder, louder. Only trying to be quiet. You gasp gasp for air while letting out thousand of tears. Your body shuts down. Your eyes keep streaming. Your mind goes blank.

Maybe you fall into a dream, a nightmare, but you are fast asleep. When you wake yup, you can not remember exactly how you fell asleep, but you know your crying was unbearable.

Your eyes still hurt from all the fluids leaving them. You can not help but to curl into a ball and think. Try to remember how it all happened. You do not even want to do anything else.

You just sit in your bed, trying your hardest to get up and live the day like last night did not happen. But you can not help but to think,

"Is that how tonight is going to go, too?"



#cp


Girl who cry now,



- y -

Publish!!!

30 January 2015

Stop Hoping.

Assalamualaikum wbt world.



It's like never leaves, he's always on your mind. You will be doing something and he'll just come to mind. You could be doing homework or listening to music and he just comes to your mind.

You'll start to remember the way it felt to be his. The way he would hold your hand. The way he would whisper "I Love You" and then kiss you. The way he would make you feel worth it.

But,

When you walk by him in the hallway it's like he is not even there. Then you remember he is not yours.

He doesn't want you anymore.

He doesn't LOVE you.

That is when he leaves your mind because you put up this front. You don't want to remember him. You shut it off and go back to what you're doing.

Someday it will be easier as for now, it is HARD.

One day, he'll remember all these things about you and wish he could have it back or you hope he will want you back.

STOP HOPING!!

It breaks you.
"You don't need him anymore" your friends say.

You believe them but then you remember how he was the only one there for you at one point and you're back where you started.

Remembering him and everything that come along with him and it is like a curse.

A curse that never breaks.


#cp


I am that girl,

-yean-


Publish!!

Kind Of Love.

Assalamualaikum wbt.



I want to be loved.

But,

I also really want to love someone.

I imagine that there is no greater feeling than knowing that there is someone who looks forward to you everyday.

I want to give someone that "We will survive together" kind of love.

That "I will make sure you smile despite life's horrible weather" kind of love.

That "I will never leave and I mean that" kind of love.

That "Forget your old relationship, I am here to reformat" kind of love.

I want to exchange hearts.

I want to kiss someone until we are both breathless.

I want to be someone's 4 am phone call when life makes them restless.

And love, has tendency to leave me perplexed.

Even now, it is hard to figure out what to write next.

But I know that i want to love someone.

I just hope that the one I love and the one that breaks my heart do not have the same address.



#cp


That Kind Of Girl,

-yean-


Publish!!

28 January 2015

I fear for you.

Assalamualaikum wbt.



To the girl he's with now,

He will kiss you like springtime and you will feel like the sun chase away the winter of your bones. He will makes beds into castles and his couch into home. He will be a safe space, a deep sigh, a caffeine jolt. He will spread your clothes on the floor and spread butter on your toast. You will love him because refusing to it is impossible.

He will buy you the same gift he has given to the eighteen girls he's been with before us. He will take you to the same starry places he bring me and called me perfect. He will tell you the same secrets that he fed and lie to me. I got high on it, finally felt complete.

One day, the text stop. One day, he start standing you up. One day, he only call you when he is drunk. One day, you are crying while thinking because you don't know what you did wrong but he doesn't really love you but you will fucking die for him.

One day, you are alone at night. Waiting for him, even though you know he's out with someone else who actually make him whole and I know this because right now I am writing a letter in the dark space of our memories but too scared to leave yet.

And i just know, if he could ruin me, he could ruin you. You are gonna be his little toy because that's just what he made girls into and I fear for you.


#basedontruestory #cp


The Broken-hearted Girl,


-yean-

Publish!!

06 January 2015

#17disembermenawankinabalu


Ini kisah tahun 2014. I should post this entry beberapa minggu yang lepas. I should proud of myself. Tidak terfikir pun saya mampu mendaki Gunung Kinabalu. Hakikatnya memang saya telah berazam sejak masuk Kolej lagi mahu naik Gunung Kinabalu lepas tamat 3 tahun study. Mungkin masa tue saya mengalami masa-masa kesusahan or the hardest part of my life as student. Di kolej saya diberi Lampiran A disebabkan masalah disiplin yang bagi saya remeh (freshie pula tue kann), and saya di sisih dan dipandang serong oleh sebilangan classmate saya yang suka sangat judge orang like they are angles. Our DAD pun pandang rendah and tidak ambik kesah pada saya but i supposed to say dengan semua kami yang "buat hal" kunun tue. Kami dicop as a pelajar bermasalah and tidak dipeduli. Well do we look like we care??
Okey kembali ke tajuk asal. Tyta told me pasal benda ney time saya tengah praktikal di penempatan terakhir Sem 6 di Emergency HQE II. Dengan besar hati saya terima walaupun ketika itu saya terfikir, "mampu ka jua ney??" Okey, sebenarnya malas sangat maw cerita dari A sampai Z. Saya just letak gambar and biar gambar yang berbicara. Hehe. Kalau korang nak tanya apa-apa sila lah tanya diruangan komen atau di shoutout yerr.



Tempat ney disyorkan oleh guide kami untuk bergambar. Sangat cantik. Dari kiri Sayful, Tyta, Zul, me, Yuyue and Arif. 


We just arrive at National Park from Arif's house at 7am something. Tak tengok jam sangat. Kita orang kumpul dekat rumah dya dalam jam 6am lebih kurang.



Selepas selesai segala urusan di headquaters, Kitaorang gerak ke Timpohon gate dalam jam 8am lebih. Unser ini di sewa seorang RM4.




Kitaorang start journey ney dalam jam 8.50am.








Dah mula dah, rasa sakit kaki tue. Hahaha but yes we support each other untuk sampai di Laban Rata. "Sikit lagi tue", "dekat suda", "bah tunggu dulu dorang, sama-sama kita sampai" etc. What a good team. I miss them already. Lepas 7 persinggahan finally we arrived at Laban Rata almost 1.30pm. All along the way, SubhanAllah. Pemandangan ciptaan Yang Maha Kuasa sangat-sangat lah cantik. Jadi insaf bila mengenang kelalaian diri.



When we arrive at Laban Rata. Allah jak tahu betapa bangganya diri bila sampai di tahap ini. Tidak sangka mampu sampai disini. 70% untuk sampai di puncak. Disini kita rehat, makan, tido sambil menunggu jam 2am. Kitaorang decide untuk start ke puncak dalam jam 2.30am.












Syukur dengan izin-Nya, selepas mengharungi kepayahan perjalanan yang mencabar keimanan, dengan tiupan angin yang amat sejuk, dengan semangat yang diberikan oleh teammate, Alhamdullillah kitaorang sampai di puncak sekitar jam 5 lebih kurang. Walaupun tidak dapat tengok sunrise sebab cuaca tidak mengizinkan tapi hati sangat-sangat la gembira. Sangat sukar untuk diungkapkan oleh kata-kata.





Thank you for your guide. Guide yang paling supporting and sangat gila. Tidak berhenti-henti kami ketawa sebab he is funny.





Kami selamat kembali ke Timpohon. 



It is time to go home. Happy recovery guys. Recovery la sangat. Gunung Kinabalu, untill we meet again. Someday. InsyaAllah.


Hamba Allah,

-yean-




Publishh!!!!


Tabung :)